DOES AMERICA HAVE A PROBLEM WITH SELF-DISCIPLINE AND DELAYED GRATIFICATION?

When my wife was pregnant with our first daughter, we read a book called Brain Rules for Baby by Dr. John Medina on raising smart, successful, happy children. It’s filled with advice, strategies, and activities that a parent could do at different ages to help their child grow and develop.

One such activity we have tried a few times with two of our daughters. We have dubbed the Cookie Game. It comes from an experiment Walter Mischel’s Stanford lab used in the late 1960s to measure self-discipline and delayed gratification.

In the experiment, freshly baked cookies are placed in front of the child. The child is told they can eat one cookie now, or if they wait five minutes they can have two cookies. The trick is that no adult is watching the child. The adult leaves the room and the child has to sit at the table with the delicious cookies right in front of them.

Mischel found that 72% of kindergarteners could not last the five minutes. By fourth grade it was down to 49%, and by sixth grade only 38% failed to last the five minutes. He also found this self-discipline or executive control was a huge predictor of success. Children who could delay gratification for 15 minutes did 210 points better on their SATs compared to children who could only last one minute.

I love this game because number one, our girls enjoy it, but number two because I agree with the psychologists who say self-discipline and delayed gratification are huge predictors of how successful a person can be in life. These two skills are so important to nurture and hone.

In America today, we face many obstacles, but this is one of the most daunting. Debt has become a way of life in America much less the world. A survey by CNBC in 2019 found that 55% of Americans carry a balance on their credit card. The average balance carried is $4,293.

Experian reported in 2019 that the average car payment for a new vehicle is $554 a month. A used car will run you on average $391. Americans owe $1.3 trillion in car loan debt in 2019. This represents an 81% increase since 2009. Talk about buying things you can’t afford.

This game of buying things before you have the money to pay for it shows a lack of self-discipline. Americans are convinced they deserve immediate gratification. If I want it, then I am going to buy it. Forget the prudence of doing without or saving up until I can afford it. I need it now! Charging it is quick, painless, and I can figure it out later. Meanwhile I get to drive a new car, wear the latest shoes, jewelry, clothes, or have the latest technology in my house.

Are any of these things necessities? Absolutely not. I can save up for a car. In the meantime, I have affordable options. Public transportation, riding a bike, carpooling, or paying cash for a cheap, used, reliable car depending on your situation can get you by until you can afford your purchase.

Most people have more shoes and clothes than they need. If you can afford it, great, but if you are carrying a balance on your credit card, avoid purchasing new clothes. Get the minimum amount of clothing you need to get by until you can afford to pay as you go. Avoid the temptation to keep up with the joneses.

The same goes for televisions, computers, smart phones or any other piece of technology. We may justify them in our own minds as “needs”, but they are wants. There is almost always a cheaper alternative. People survived for hundreds of years without these luxuries, we can survive a few months until we save up for what we want.

Obviously, this type of financial behavior has negative ramifications. If you are in debt, then a large portion of your next paycheck will go to servicing your debts. You already have $400-$600 going toward your car, and you need to make at least the minimum payment on the credit card. If you are only making the minimum payments, you will likely never get out of debt.

What happens when so much of your income is earmarked toward past expenditures? It prevents you from investing and saving. You are living for the present without thinking about your future and how you will retire. It limits experiences and opportunities in the years to come. In addition to all of the opportunity cost, debt can also cause great personal stress on you or your spouse if you are married.

The American government is in the same position as the American consumer. We rob from our future for our desires today. The American debt has ballooned to over $25 trillion as of this writing. This doesn’t even include America’s unfunded liabilities. These are promises made to citizens in the form of things like Medicare, social security, and veterans’ benefits. Estimates on this debt range from $120 trillion to over $210 trillion. Obviously not great discipline and delayed gratification by our country. Eventually the consequences will be felt.

Finance isn’t the only area where self-discipline and delayed gratification are lacking and can cause great harm. Waiting to be married before having sex and having children is seen by some people as old fashioned or unrealistic. But do you have a better chance at success if you do?

In a Brookings institute study of income from 2007, it was found if you finished high school, waited until you were 21 and married to have children, and worked full-time, you had a 98% chance to be above the poverty line in America. Basically with self-discipline and delayed gratification you guaranteed yourself to be at least lower-middle class, regardless of where you started, your identity, or your family history.

This doesn’t even take into account spending habits, choosing your friends, college or post high school training, or any other kind of work ethic.

The same two skills can be taken into diet and exercise. Can you train yourself to be self-disciplined enough to eat well and do strenuous exercise regularly? Can you delay gratification when it comes to that pizza or extra piece of cake? Obviously these are huge predictors in your overall health. Or is it easier to just give in to our desires?

Giving in to our desires and attaining instant gratification can feel good in the moment. You get a new car, hook-up with a beautiful person you just met, or eat 42 slices of pizza in one day. But what do these choices lead to? Ruin and future consequences, as the saying goes we reap what we sow.

If you want to be successful, change the course of your life, or your children’s lives, develop and nurture self-discipline and delayed gratification. Your future self will thank you.